You are viewing serandipity

Serandipity//--InGodITrust [entries|friends|calendar]
serandipity

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Our Daily Bread [23 Oct 2008|11:39am]
QT: On His Shoulders
Luke 15: 3-7


Our family likes to hike, and we’ve had some grand adventures together. But when our boys were small, our enthusiasm caused us to walk too fast and too far, and their legs often grew weary. They couldn’t keep up the pace, despite their determined efforts and our assurance that the end of the trail was just over the next hill.

“Dad,” would come the plaintive request, accompanied by upraised arms, “will you carry me?” “Of course,” I would reply, and hoist the child on my shoulders. He was not a burden, for he was little and light.

How often, like my children, I’ve grown weary, and the end of my efforts is not even in sight. I can no longer keep up or accomplish the task. But I am learning that I can turn with arms upraised to my heavenly Father, who walks beside me, and I can ask Him to carry me.

I know He will lay me on His shoulder as a shepherd carries the lamb that was lost (Luke 15:5). There He will joyfully carry me all day long, for I am little and light—no burden to Him. There I find rest, for “the beloved of the Lord shall dwell in safety by Him, who shelters him all the day long; and he shall dwell between His shoulders” (Deut. 33:12). — David H. Roper

Ask the Savior to help you,
Comfort, strengthen, and keep you;
He is willing to aid you—
He will carry you through. —Palmer

The God who holds the universe is the God who is holding you.



i am filled with an immense amount of love, awe, and gratefulness to my Father in heaven. He is wonderful, amazing, beautiful. and He holds and protect me.

Lord, with You, words are never enough.

so take my heart, read it, and make it Yours, forever and ever. Amen.
post comment

[15 Oct 2008|03:05pm]
i'm amused that a few days after i order a vintage lace bodysuit that karla wears one and all the fashion bloggers online start wearing lace.

hahaha.

hmmm.
post comment

LOL meme. [10 Oct 2008|12:40am]
Dear WUIMS,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'll join the monastery. I think I realized it when your dog ran amok at the mental hospital and I saw you knock out Bill Clinton. I'm sure you're scarred enough to understand that Extreme Home Makeover sucks. I'm returning your old lottery coupons to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I never openly mocked to hate the Boston Celtics .

Good luck on your short-term leave from jail,
Sarah

----

and here's where YOU try this out...Collapse )

=) i'm tired. night.
4 comments|post comment

[09 Oct 2008|12:45am]
isn't it funny, that such a rational God, would base everything that He is on something as irrational as love?

sending His Son to die for us, pple who scorn and disobey Him? that's not rational.

forgiving us and helping us over and over despite our continual disobedience and rejection of Him and His truth? that's not rational.

giving us freedom to choose despite being able to control our every move even though He knows we'll make decisions that will hurt Him? that's not rational.

loving us even when we killed His Son, even when we continually disobey, even when we reject and blaspheme His name and outright hate Him? that's not rational

UNCONDITIONALLY loving us, and that love never increasing or decreasing but always so strong and constant for each and every one of us, day in day out, before we were born, during our sinful lives, and after our deaths, until eternity? that's not rational.

and His love is amazing, wonderful, beautiful, and awesome. and yet, it's so SO irrational.

and i think that's so beautiful. it's like i've long said, that it's only logical for God's ways to seem illogical to us, because if we understood them and the logic behind them, then we'd be God, and we aren't. =)

i do love that all these beautiful paradoxical ideas come to mind when we think about God. because that just makes Him even more beautiful, and solidifies the fact that God is so complex and mysterious in so many ways (Because we have very, very small brains), and that is just... awesome, in the very original sense of the word (not the cheap way we use it these days).

so stop and stare at the wonder that is God. =) and be amazed at how His love just doesn't seem to make sense. =)

and give thanksgiving.
2 comments|post comment

Love so amazing, so divine [26 Sep 2008|05:15pm]
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

- Colossians 3:12-13

sometimes it's difficult to remember that I am dearly loved by the Lord. sometimes, you just feel so unworthy, so unclean, so useless and gross and ugly. in the way you think, in the things you say, in the things you do, in the way you behave towards others.

that's something i think i have to struggle with, remember that i am loved by the One Who Saves.

it's really wrapped up quite succintly in the first 2 lines of perhaps one of the most well-known hymns of all time.

Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me


so yes. we are a wretched race, a group of people so heinous and ugly and downright deplorable. honestly speaking, we're worse than ka chua (i.e. cockroaches). yet God still decides to (unfathomably) send His own Son Jesus Christ to come save us. Because, God knows why (literally), He loves us with an everlasting, unchangeable, will never go away and will never decrease and will never increase, way. it's called agape love.

wanna know why? go ask Him. and the funny thing is, this will (to some extent, it may vary a little) be His answer: because you are beautiful in My sight, because I created you and knit you together when you were virtually nothing. because I cannot stop loving you, no matter what you do, no matter how much you might Hate me, I will always love you. just because I might not love the things you do (and they may be downright disgusting to Me), doesn't change how much I love you. you were created by Me to be beautiful. and I love you. period.

imagine that. in fact, don't imagine it. know it.

because, ladies and gents, it's true.

i should know. because i believe that "i am the worst of sinners" to quote paul. i think i am downright disgusting, hateful, and very, very ugly.

yet for some reason, people still love me and strangely (especially to me) call me beautiful.

and the greatest, most unbelievable thing? God has seen a million times more into my soul than all these people, and He knows exactly just how ugly and twisted i can be. yet, He loves me the most. and to Him, while the things i do may not be beautiful... to Him, strangely, i am.

and He's so graciously sent people into my life who can see beauty in me where all i see is darkness.

i'm going to go attempt to do my readings now (break week is almost over and, guess what? i've only finished 2 out of 4 readings for 1 module and erm, 1 weeks worth of readings for the other - and i have to do 5 weeks worth of readings. ouch.)

i need to do something about the little project i have in mind, as frivolous as it might sound to some, i think it's actually quite, quite... well, i like it. shall go discuss it with the boyfriend.

toodles.

Isn't He wonderful, wonderful, wonderful
Isn't Jesus my Lord wonderful
Eyes have seen, ears have heard
It's recorded in God's word
Isn't Jesus my Lord wonderful.
post comment

[24 Aug 2008|07:39pm]
is it stupid that after watching 6 seasons of gilmore girls, i don't wanna watch the 7th because it's supposedly the last season of the series, and in it luke and lorelai don't get back together and it ends with both lorelai and rory being single and alone?

because i want them to get their happy ending.

because if they don't get their happy ending, and their world is controlled by script writers and audience feedback, what more we who can't control anything at all?



and i am obsessed with american apparel (the tri-blend deep v-neck tee i got is so incredibly soft and a fantastic fit and i love their skirts) and i need to dance and i hate that i've now missed church 2 weeks in a row and i want to stick with the same cell group and auntie lisa wants me back in the believers and i need direction in dance and i'm not really finding that right now and.

i don't like that my poor boy is so exhausted and tired =( wish i could take care of him and pamper him 24/7. meh.
post comment

[08 Aug 2008|02:52pm]
i wonder if it's harder to get used to a new place with new faces than it is to get used to an old and familiar place where a significant face is gone.

strangely, i'd like to think the latter. cos it completely throws you out of whack unexpectedly, whereas the former you anticipate it and so are more proactive about getting round it.

wonder what's gonna happen when my brother leaves for canada. in like, 2 weeks. and i can't wait to move into the new place, my room's done =) =) it has NO pink, has pretty purple-ish walls, white swirly wallpaper and beautiful dark cupboards framing my bed. well i havent seen the cupboards yet (saw the purple-ish walls though, i like!) but in the rendering it's pretty so =) heh.

tomorrow's national day. okay. i'm just psyched that for once the family dinner is a lunch instead, and so that leaves me free to watch the fireworks and spend the rest of the day with my boy. =)




and i wonder, is it possible to love someone too much? and i'm not talking about stalkerish stuff or being obssessed with someone (or the idea of loving someone), i just mean is it possible to love someone too much, to give too much of your heart away?

i still don't know the answer. that doesn't mean i'm gonna love less, far from it. cos i love the boy so much, and sometimes it feels like a dam about to burst. =)

perhaps the way we're supposed to love our other half can be best illustrated in the way God has loved His people, how He has loved the world. He gave His only Son, and constantly heard Israel's cries even when they sinned and scorned Him. to many, that would be called loving too much, and being in a negative and abusive relationship. but God still loved, still gave, and He's still loving and giving even when we don't deserve it.

so Jesus said we're supposed to forgive not once, not seven times, but seventy seven times - and we're pretty sure He just means that you're supposed to always offer that olive branch, cos that's what God always does.

so keep loving, even though it can hurt (and will). and just pray that God gives the strength and is there when we do hurt.

do i make sense? ah well. nvm. i am growing out of this blogging thing. hmmm.

bye.
post comment

[24 Jul 2008|11:16am]
it will forever bug me that people feel the need to validate themselves and are so desperate for it that they will actually... no, nvm.

that being said, the boyf wishes i didn't need to find validation by being nice to everyone around me. he's got a point though.

no, but seriously. it's one thing to find validation when you're doing things for people, and it's another to so blatantly fish.

yes, i'm being bitchy. oo dearie me. i miss kai =(

date with wuims and deb tonight i am VERY EXCITED. =D

mich and rach you owe me dates you nincompoops! i do love that word ever so much.

and i am counting down to friday night, when the boyf will be freeeeee from tekong (for a while at least.)

also saturday night will be scary, rawr. still don't have a routine yet.

and i have so much to work on, bloody hell (in terms of dance). seeing myself on _______ is just.. i dunno, shite. ah well.

it bugs me that i always tell myself i will do things, then fail to actually accomplish them because of my own inertia. imma gonna kick myself i swear.

oh, and i made cupcakes =) they're yummy. happy happy.

bye.
1 comment|post comment

[19 Jul 2008|12:37am]
i miss you so much that i feel like crying again.

all i want to do is curl up beside you, in your arms, and just fall asleep, secure and happy.




and the thing is, you aren't even at field camp yet. how much more am i going to miss you next week.

i just wanna be with you.




will you hold my hand and never let go?
post comment

[14 Jul 2008|05:22pm]
so i need to drag my ass out off the couch (it's become my personal home these holidays) and get some things done, like scanning in my ic + matric card so that i can retrieve my ivle password (i can't gain access to my school email at all, it's very frustrating). and also like organising my notes and what have you. and also to decide which things in my closet are going to go bye bye - yes, i have discovered (like most women have) that i have SO MANY clothes (this exact phrase passed through my cerebral cortex: "i have too many clothes." the horrific thing is that a few days earlier i'd said the exact same thing about my shoes.)

so i have decided that i have to get rid of some of my clothes, hopefully by selling them or something. otherwise, reinventing them would be a good idea. and i am determined to start sewing skirts, for myself. yes, i want to sew. however i'll be needing a sewing machine, so for now those ideas are shelved... as for my shoes, i shall throw the ratty ones out (not that many) but i really cannot imagine getting rid of most of them. seriously. what can i say? i'm a woman, who needs to tighten her belt. ah well.

i've been watching (too much) sex and the city. the show makes you think that perhaps you could be your very own carrie bradshaw, and i think so many women in singapore (young, single, in their 20s and 30s) are like her. they have their own apartments (rented or bought, i'm not too fussed, point being that they live on their own), spend majority of their paycheck on their lifestyle choices (this includes high-end shopping that frankly, they can't truly afford), and don't have very much in their savings accounts.

unfortunately, i'm like that too. and that has really got to change. sigh.

on another note, in a week and a day's time, we'll be a year old. =)

God has been very, very good, especially to me. the voices of a million angels cannot express my gratitude to You Lord. it's a constant love affair i have with You, and i pray that You'll never let go of me. oh yes, i can feel His warm embrace, and perhaps i should take more time to look around me and find Him in the stillness of a late afternoon, where the sky is threatening rain and there's a lovely coolness in this place.

there is nothing more satisfying and fulfilling than just sitting still, and feeling God's love for you. try it sometime ;) you'll be amazed at the utter contentment and serenity and peace that comes.

i think for me, my greatest fear is that one day, something will happen that will make me turn my back on my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. but somehow, i think that's a good fear, to realise that it is not us that keeps ourselves in this relationship with God. it might be our active choice, but it is always God who draws us closer to Him, who draws Himself closer to us, whom by His grace and mercy chooses us and keeps this relationship with us alive. how could anyone, on his own mortal strength, stay in any relationship (be it with another human being or with God) for life? it is by God's grace and mercy that we do not leave His embrace.

and i praise God for it, and i hope i will remember to do so the rest of my life. =)

time to sort out the laundry, my dark coloureds will be done soon. =)
post comment

[30 Jun 2008|12:55am]
the world is a sick, cold, evil, cruel place.

this has no bearing on my life or the world around me.

it's simply this: sometimes i just look at the world and cannot help but cry, weep, and mourn for all the evil that man has unleashed on himself. guns, greed, capitalism, power, and countless other things that man has invented.

i cry over a woman's reaction to being told, in the middle of watching her child perform in the school musical, that her fiancee has been killed in a hostage situation, and this is just on tv.

so how am i supposed to react when that happens in real life, or when so much worse happens?

i am terrified, at the onslaught of natural disasters. and yet, man insists on continually inflicting disaster upon himself.

is that not enough to make anyone weep, double over with such absolute, blindingly painful grief? is that not enough to break your heart?

the day i leave this world and go to the arms of my Saviour is a day to be rejoiced, because then i will no longer have to weep for the pain in this world.



God, why have you forsaken us.

no, i have not discarded my belief or faith in God. but i feel the pain of the world; how much more must God cry and grieve for us.
post comment

[28 Jun 2008|05:25pm]
my boyfriend broke into cold sweat last night, and this morning went to see the doc. he's been ordered to sleep for 12 hours straight. =( poor thing, so exhausted. sigh. not to mention the fruckus that happened.

sit and pray. and this time, it really is let go let God. sigh. but i feel peace, and i'm clinging onto that feeling. the peace that surpasses all understanding really only ever comes from Him, even in the most bizarre and OHSHITPANICATTACK situations.

like now.


----

and so you have two types of people. the kind who have every reason to be sad and angry in life but don't say anything till the dam bursts, and then you get those who just whine and grumble and crumble about, oh i don't know. everything, even when they really have had a relatively smooth sailing life so far.

and maybe it's the boyf's influence about no-nonsense, maybe it's me deciding that really, why shld i be too nice when the time calls for me not to be nice. but sometimes i really, really just want to... knock some sense into people. tell them to open their narrow-sighted eyes and minds and to look around, and count their bloody blessings before counting the little scraps and bruises they get.

maybe it's just me, cos sometimes i get a sense of guilt when i start emoing or feeling sad/sorry for myself, because i think i don't have reason to, and so i think that others should subscribe to that same philosophy.

but really, why the HELL do people with MINOR problems insist on making mount everests out of ant hills?! is it because life has not given you enough drama and thus, you decide to make your own? in that case, fine, go ahead.

just remember that you aren't the star of the world, although you might be the star of your life.





and i should know. i've been the star of my life long enough. hurting people along the way. so i'm trying to change that.

----

choices. that is my lesson for the year, oh i feel it in my bones. choices.

and so you know, to change, you've usually gotta make the active choice to change. so, are you gonna make that choice?

----

i've become an unsightly bum. okay.
post comment

[23 Jun 2008|11:58am]
i have heard someone say that he cannot be friends with non-Christians, NOT because he does not like them or anything, FAR from it. but because he finds, unfortunately, that he cannot connect with them as well as he does with fellow Christians, because one of the biggest and most important bits of his life (that he more or less constantly talks about) is God, and that does make most non-Christians uncomfortable.

but the thing is that there is one thing that all of us have in common, Christian or non-Christian, that should bind us as Christians to our non-Christian friends: the very fact that God loves us all.

in the most frequently cited verse in the bible (John 3:16), it says "For God so loved the world". it does not say "for God so loved Israel", or "for God so loved Christians", or "for God so loved [insert a race here]". It says "For God so loved the world". He sent Jesus for the whole world. it is NOT an exclusive salvation. it is there for anyone and everyone to take up, to accept, to make their own. BUT they must choose to accept this free-gift of salvation, by believing in it. by believing in Jesus Christ as the only way we can be saved.

so is there something in common between believers, non-believers, people of different races and cultures and habits and all? yes, there is. God's common, overwhelming, all-consuming love for every single one of us, all of us sinners. and that binds us all together.

so it is up to those who believe in Christ, who have accepted and embraced God's love and His greatest gift to us, to pass on that love to everyone around us. how will the world see God and His love anymore, with nature being reduced to the very edges of humanity, with greed and capitalism rising up above everyone (and consuming our souls almost), unless we show them God's love in our daily actions, words, behaviours, and attitudes?

we're supposed to be little bits of God's light in the darkness of the world. what's the point in shining amongst all the other lights? we gotta go in and shine where the darkness overwhelms and there is no more hope.

remember: of all these, the greatest is love. because it is love that compels God to save us; not His righteousness or justice or anything, but His love.

i love how QT can really reveal little things to you, all the time. even when you're still disobeying God. Lord, never let me go. please. that is what i ask.
post comment

[23 Jun 2008|11:49am]
if i hope for something (in the Lord), i cannot expect any kind of outcome.

for then it becomes an expectation (if i prepare for my hope to be fulfilled), or it becomes doubt (if i prepare for my hope to be left hanging).

yes? in that case, what do we do?

hope, and pray. wait upon the Lord, even if you are in the midst of sin or disobedience. i'm hanging onto the fact that God hears the prayers of all sinners, that He speaks to non-believers, that in Nehemiah 1:8-9 He says that even after scattering His people who do not obey, He will gather them from the farthest regions and bring them back together (to Him) if they return to Him and obey His commands. I hang onto the fact that even David, a man after God's own heart, sinned so horrendously conerning Bathsheba, yet God used this to bring about His greatest gift of all: His Son, Jesus Christ.

so hope, and pray. do not expect anything, except for God's will to be done. so pray, and listen for Him. listen with your heart, and if you hear nothing... do not fear.

Because God will never leave us nor forsake us. that is the one thing i cling to the most.

remember: nothing is impossible with God, and nothing is predictable. i mean, come on. who in their right minds would expect God to send down His own Son to die on the cross, to save all the sins of the world? really now. =)
post comment

[18 Jun 2008|05:10pm]
let go.

let God.



and sit here, on edge, hoping. not daring to pray, and so just going "dear God - amen." knowing that He understands the heart better than it understands itself.





so.
post comment

[17 Jun 2008|01:32am]
so the main reason WHY i'm typing this post is this: to congratulate 3 people.

joel, bing, and jas.

congrats joel and bing on getting engaged to each other! i look forward to seeing the rest of you spend the rest of your lives together =) =) i think this is the beginning of a very good marriage partnership. lol. seriously though, i can't wait to see you two exchange vows. =) thank God for bringing you to each other. and to think a lot of it began with the way joel treated his cat, LOL.

congrats to jasmine! whom i haven't seen in years (it's been more than 5 years i think? hmmm.) and yet you somehow found me on lj and friended me. =) i have to say that the way he proposed (from what you showed us on your blog) is very sweet, and i especially like the "wrong answer" bit lol. but above all, congratulations on finding someone who makes you feel so loved, and so blessed. =) so here's to the rest of your lives, serving God and so growing in love with each other.



as for me? i need prayer, a patient heart, a gentle spirit, courage, and above all God. i realised today that, if i had the fruit of the Spirit in me, that really a lot of the things i do to hurt would go away. love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. i'm beginning to realise that it is only with these that i can be a beautiful person, a beautiful woman of God. submissive but not powerless, understanding and loving and kind. and for all these, i need to draw near to God. Father, draw near to me. please Lord.

perhaps that's why i'm not ready yet, because i do not have the fruit of the spirit in me.

i would be a beautiful bride if only i had these attributes to clothe me. what i wear would be irrelevant. i could be in a t-shirt and jeans and slippers, yet if i had these fruit of the spirit i would be the most beautiful bride, and i would be worthy of my husband.

no, i'm not getting married anytime soon, goodness. but that does not mean that i do not want to become a beautiful woman of God.

and that, that starts with me submitting to God's will. whatever it may be. God's timing is not my own. sigh. i have a God-shaped hole in me, and He fills it. He draws near to me.. my joy, my peace, my strength in all things.

(and darling? i would tell you all this, except you are asleep now my sweet, k? i love you. can't wait to see you this weekend. 11 months dear. =) my sunshine.)

this song took on new meaning when i was in LA, after that... really, really good sermon by the pastor at hubi's church (which sounded like a nightclub when i was walking into it, and had crazy lights.)

Saviour, He can move the mountains.
My God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save.
Forever Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave.


and so i think that initially, i drew away from God, and i've been drawing back near unto Him slowly, surely. and then i realise, no, HE is drawing near unto me, because He loves me and has chosen me, and because He will never leave me nor forsake me.

He chose us, and we believe because we belong to Him. with Him. He called His disciples to come with Him, belong to Him, and then, after they belonged, they began to believe. and then loved Christ so much that they were willing to go to the ends of the earth for Him. so how can we expect others to believe if we will not let them belong first?

afterall, Jesus went out with the tax payers and the lepers, the most despised in that day. He showed them that they belonged with Him. He loved them. and so they believed in Him (well, at least one leper did). so shouldn't we go out and love, instead of telling people that they need to believe and follow these rules before they will be accepted by us?

our entire faith, the foundation of it, is love. for God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believed in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. notice how God "loved" before calling us to believe. if He had not loved us first, would we have loved Him, being sinful and disobedient? haha. NO. love comes first.

Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
A kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations


i for one, experienced God's love, experienced His "belonging", before i could believe in Him whole-heartedly.

so why not we show the world that they belong with Christ? we do not belong to the world, we are not of the world. BUT the world belongs to God. as His children, we belong to God.

God called us to love one another, as He has loved us.

so let's do that. =)

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender



and Jesus is holding my hand, never letting it go. thank You Lord, for carrying me. for giving me peace, joy, love, strength. for guiding me. even when i doubt. even when i disobey and stray. even when i try to hide from You, to hide bits of myself from You, when what You really want is for me to just lay them down at Your feet, so that You can carry it all for me.

i think i know now, that I'm supposed to go, help, reach out, make people feel like they belong. isn't that part of what social work is supposed to do anyway? help people feel like there's a place for them in this world. so even more so, we need to work to help people feel like there's a place for them in Jesus' arms.



and all this has a very personal message for me. so much so that i cried during that sermon. too personal to put it up here for the world to see. my family knows, obviously. and I am becoming increasingly aware of my short-comings, of how much i need God. of how He really is the calming force, the strength. and how He uses people around me to give me encouragement, strength, and to point out painful things about me that aren't very nice and that hurt others.

Lord, take me, mold me, use me, fill me. Make me the woman of God You want me to be Lord. whatever the cost. that i might be a bride worthy of her prince. that You might use me as a light in this world. give me the courage to serve You Lord. Help me to stop running from You Lord. help me to keep seeking, to know how to ask for what i need/want, for the right reasons. thank You Father, for blessing me so, so richly Lord. words fail me. Your love never does. Stay with me Lord, now and forever more. In Your Son's blessed name i pray. Amen.
2 comments|post comment

[14 Jun 2008|12:43pm]
God help me.

my neighbour, who is male, is singing "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis. In falsetto. again. and this has been happening almost on a daily basis. for the past few months.

God help us all.
1 comment|post comment

[14 Jun 2008|11:36am]
so the question, then, is this.

do i let myself sink into mediocrity, or do i strive and push, fighting to be the best that i possibly can be?

discouragement sets in, and i say to myself: just sink. don't try. why try? you'll fall flat on your face anyway. there's no way you can be as good as any of them.

and then i think of that little sentence that he said months ago, when there were only 7 or 8 of us in training, and i was ill the day before.

but how can that be true? how could it possibly happen? i don't know, i don't see. and how could i even dare to ask God for a sign? shldn't it be sign enough when He told me to go for social work rather than dance? the fact that after half a year of intense training, i now hardly dance each week?

or is it just my laziness on my part?

my mum said if i want to get on the dean's list, something has to go, i have to cut down on dance.

for fucks sake, i'm not even dancing anymore.

why don't any of them see that? dance is supposed to be my life, but i don't do anything for it. i give trainings, only twice a week, a miss a lot of the time, and i don't dance outside.

how the hell can that be considered my life? how can you tell me to give up more of it?







i shld just. stop. altogether. just stop dancing. stop pretending like its my life. stop pretending that i have a gift in it (hah, what gift?) stop telling pple "oh yes i'm part of a dance company, but i'm like the noob there." for crying out loud i shldn't even be there.

its not like anyone wld cry shld i stop dancing. even God doesn't seem to mind. i might be struck by lightening now.

in fact, if i stopped, everyone wld be happy, my parents to say the least. be a recreational dancer, do it for fitness. concentrate on my uni studies, then work. afterall i am called to be a social worker. not so much a dancer.

and i would be able to say: "yes, i gave up dance. my choice."

and it wouldn't be because of anything or anyone else, except myself. because i'd rather not do it at all than be mediocre and see others shining so brightly, me not being able to even touch the hem of their tutus in terms of ability and technique.



silence.

[13 Jun 2008|02:27pm]
SO. i was surfing youtube, and i found this online dance battle between the M&M dance cru and ACDC.

damn.

originally i thought ACDC won hands down, but after watching the M&M vid again i realise that ACDC looks more impressive cos of the way itw as staged. but both crews are great, so i dunno, who do you think was better? i do love the ACDC staging and choreo though, but the crews that make up M&M are fantastic.

and the thing is that THE GROOVALOOS ARE IN THE M&M CRUUUUUUUU!!!! ARGH they really ARE fantastic, MUCH LOVE TO LADY JULES and she's amazing irl, she did the workshop for us and my gosh, her head spins are inSANE (she beats every single breaker in singapore hands DOWN kthx). and alison "alstar" is just. WOW. arghhhhhh she is mad (she is one of the few truly all-rounded dancers - she's not weak in any genre. seriously.)

so here are the links to the vids: ACDC and M&M dance cru. what do you think? besides the fact that both crews have mad dance skills. ahhh.

and i am now convinced that i need to get my axels down (besides the pirouettes and fouetters that i haven't done in, oh i don't know, 2 months??!!) argh shit. i need to go for a jazz technique dance like, now.

=S
post comment

[11 Jun 2008|02:59pm]
somebody PLEASE get me a multi-star necklace like this one! and a name necklace in brass in a pretty font pleaseeeee.

this is because i have completely bannned myself from shopping for the next, oh i don't know, year or so. =( argh.

and a nice pair of high-waisted shorts pleasee.

and i STILL have to get so many items altered. and exchange the coloured skinny jeans for ones that actually fit me.

it's good to be home. but i do miss LA weather (although the weather today is pretty decent - i just miss the slight wind and sun) and the vibe of LA. ah well.

okay now i'm shooting myself in the foot for not having ordered from girlprops.com when i was in the states, esp since shipping for them is SO CHEAP.

ugh.

i'm out. i miss my boyfriend. =(
post comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]